Are you a people pleaser? Do you worry that you’ll be forced to quit competing if you don’t perform well? Do you worry about what people might think about you based on how you perform?

Thoughts like these that come from being a people pleaser are distractions. They pull your attention away from what you’re supposed to be focusing on, and cause your performance to tank.

I’ve already gone over how to deal with distractions in this article.

Today, I want to talk about more straightforward technique you can use to deal with “people pleasing”

Communication is key

Communication.

Ugh. Communication? But, that’s so hard.

Yes, it is. But, communication is a valuable tool to have in your mental game toolbox.

• “I want to perform well, so I don’t disappoint my coach.”
• “If I don’t make nationals, my coach might stop giving me coaching time.
• “If I don’t qualify for finals, I’ll have to quit.”

These worries might just be the result of your imagination working overtime. And, all of them can be resolved through communication.

Talk with your parents. Talk with your coach. Get clarification.

Will they really be disappointed? Will they really stop coaching you? Will they really force you to quit?

Instead of continuing to let your imagination run wild, talk to them and find out. It’s better to know for sure than to waste energy worrying about something that might or might not be true.

When the athletes I work with take the time to communicate with their parents and coaches, most of the time they find out they’ve been worrying for nothing. If, on the off chance you find out your worries were true, at least you’ll have a handle on the situation and be able to come up with an action plan.

Negative consequences

Threatening to pull a swimmer from the race. Making them quit the club team if they don’t qualify for the invitational.

Many coaches and parents think that negative consequences will help motivate their athletes.

This is false.

In reality, negative consequences create unnecessary worry for athletes. This causes nervous system over activation which often puts the athlete into flight or freeze.

In addition, thoughts of consequences, also known as “what ifs”, are a huge distraction that takes the athlete’s focus away from their job. The end result is a dip in the athletes performance or even a full blown meltdown.

In summary, negative consequences are at best a distraction and at worst the cause of serious performance problems. In other words, it’s best to avoid them.

Conclusion

From the moment we are born, we are hardwired to please people.

At home, it’s our parents. At school, it’s our teachers. In sports, it’s our coaches. The cycle never ends.

The best way to stop pleasing people is by communicating.

When your imagination runs wild and you start to worry, talk to your coaches and parents. Get clarification. Get answers. This will allow you to put your worries to rest, and get back to focusing on your sport.